Each time i'm devastated, i would carry my bolster and blanket over to my sister's room.
Me: Can i sleep with you tonight? *with a teary eyes*
Sis: What's wrong?
Me: Can we talk as we lie on bed together?
Sis: Okay. *move to one side and let me sleep on the other side*
She would off the light, jump onto the bed and start asking me what's happening. And each time i will use bolster to cover my eyes and start telling her because i'm afraid of crying infront of her.
Sis gave very good advices, and i always feel so safe to sleep with her. Like i won't be thinking about it anymore, like i won't have any nightmare. Is like she's there to protect me no matter what happened.

Today is such a bad day. I was enjoying it a moment ago until i received a few news from my closest friends.

I just can't believe it that someone, at such a young age left just like this. I couldn't do anything when my friend broke down. The only thing i can do is to ask her to update me every single thing. I was at a loss. I don't know what to do at all and i need to thank all my friends who were there with me just now to comfort me. Although he isn't that close to me but i heard about him a lot from my closest friend.. I hope god will protect all my friends from what's happening lately. Life is too short to have any regrets. My condolences to you, J. God will protect you, i'm sure he will. I will pray for you..

And i just found out some things again..
You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about. I mean that in the worst way possible, the kind of novels that make you cry when you’re writing them and when you’re reading them.
I’ve always been able to control everything, except for my heart. Especially when it comes to love and it involves you. Just like any others, we have our ups and downs. I tell myself repeatedly to hate you, hate you for what you did to me. I tell myself repeatedly that you no longer care for me and i should do the same too. But at the end of day, i'm still back to square one.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to stop dwelling. I’m going to stop watching the phone. I’m going to stop looking for you. I’m going to move on. I’m going to meet people. I’m going to live.
I’m going to forget all the nights I spent wishing you were here.
I’m going to forget the times that it was just us.
I’m going to forget the things that shouldn’t have happened.
I’m going to forget all the times I opened myself up to let you in, to only get hurt in return.
I’m going to forget how I felt about you.
I remember you telling me that ‘you’re never the same person twice’. Good. I never want to be this person again. And I am going to do whatever I can to make sure I am the best me I can be. I don’t want to be your best version. This time, it’s for me.
I wish you, all the best with her.

Sometimes i'm glad that not much people know about this blog because this means i can write down my deepest feelings without being afraid that people might judged. It's so tiring to act like nothing happen. 我要快乐..