My 3rd post of the day. I think this is my first time posting so many entry in a day.
I'm sorry but i guess i just need to rant out everything in this space :(

First day of school started out pretty good. At least i went to school feeling so positive.
Yet... things just happened. Yes, just like that.
If i'm posting this entry hours ago, perhaps i will not be as calm as i seem to be.
Honestly, i cannot explain these things i feel for you.
I'm just..very..hurt. Yes you, the cause of the pain in my heart.

Twenty eleven, i swore not to let littlest things affect me, again. No matter who i bumped into..
Can you believe i managed to chance upon someone who hurt me in a way or another.
I've nothing against her, i really don't. It's just..that indescribable feeling.

Twenty eleven.

A new year, new beginning, a fresh start and change.
But again, it's just a different day in a different year with the same old thing.
Maybe we're just getting better at self-comforting that things will get better in a brand new year. Or maybe, it's just me...
Indeed, i thought twenty eleven will be better too. I did believe that i've move on.
Things were good. At least, i'm still smiling and laughing everyday even though images of you still appear in my mind.
Everywhere i go reminds me of you. Everyday hoping that you would surprise me at my house void deck.

You promised me so much yet you didn't fulfil it.
I didn't say a thing and acted like i couldn't care much.
Truth is acting like I didn’t care was so much easier then admitting that I’m hurt.
Because it seems like I wasn't worth it afterall and i definitely won't want to hear that from you.

I guess one could say I'm scared.
I'm scared of loving someone all over again and experiencing the same kind of pain, again.
I'm scared of being too dependent on someone and when he left, i feel so so lost.
I'm scared of upcoming unpredictable things.
Truth is, i'm really scared.
No matter how much advices i gave to my friends, how expert i am to them, how strong i appear to be, i'm still a human afterall.
And human does have feelings.

I tried so hard at times, i know i should have tried all the time, but you should have done as well.
The hurting part is to know you didn't. You didn't try at all.
All you gave was empty promises and words. Words that you forgot overnight.
You gave up on me and now, i've to give up on you.
I did NOTHING that let you down but you, let me down again & again.
Things have come to this stage. There's no way we can rewind time.
I can only deal with it.

A leopard will never change its spot.
When one person commented about you, i listened and forgot about it.
But when most of them said the same thing, then it's time i wake up and face the reality.
Sometimes we're so blinded by love that we cannot differentiate who's good & bad, who's right & wrong.